Love Notes on Liberation 6
Contemplating the power of non-romantic love this February 14th
I have always been a lover. Romantic relationships have been an anchor, a guide, an inspiration, and at times a hindrance and a source of pain. In modern society my focus on romantic love and my pursuit of a life long partnership has been supported and at times pushed upon me, and I believed it was the right thing to focus on. I let platonic relationships take a back seat to my all important romantic partnerships.
Luckily, I have a few good friends who stuck with me and have loved me through my romantic journeys. Friends who gave me time and space and started right back where we left off when I came up for air. Friends that say I love you before we get off the phone, friends that feel like family.
No matter what, I never gave up on romantic love, and I still haven’t, but I have put it in perspective. It is a kind of love. It’s not lost on me, now that I’m in a comfortable relationship, that I can stop and catch my breath long enough to feel the reality that one person can’t fulfill all of my needs, and this is a wild expectation to have. Networks of mutual care, village mentality, & nurturing community are making a comeback as we realize the isolation that individualism has created just isn’t working.
To honor that shift I reflected on the role platonic relationships play in my life in little moments from a recent visit home and am dropping that reflection here along with a link to an art project of mine called Love Changing.
Platonic love is truly generous.
I just got home from visiting my family and I want to celebrate platonic love. I am so full of little moments of love shared with people and animals over the last week and I can find a million more across my whole life when I look for them.
Platonic love moments from last week:
I played 21 questions with my brother so we could share some joy amidst his health struggles and it made him so happy I felt his energy well up before he said, “Emily, I love you.” His words felt so true and full of joy.
I got to listen to my parent’s cat purr in the sun happily, after spending two days hiding in my room, which became an impromptu cat sanctuary, after a scary run in with some house guests.
My one year old niece trusts her mom and loves her so much. My sister has created a gentle, loving, and accepting bond between the two of them. Watching my niece light up with joy at my sister’s smile melts my heart.
My father answered a text message I wrote about the noise he and my uncle were making late at night when I was trying to coax the cat out from under my bed to eat. He responded “thank you for your love.” I sat with that for a while letting myself take in this surprising gesture: an acknowledgment of love I give in my non-romantic relationships through my care and presence.
When we are paying attention, non-romantic love heals us and changes our lives. It infuses depth and meaning into our days.
Looking back on my trip home and thinking about the healthy state of my non-romantic relationships, I realize I have accomplished something. I have learned how to practice love. I think about my mama, who is practicing platonic love all the time. She is my first role model for how healing, caring, and joyous platonic love can be.
I think romantic love is informed by platonic love.
In the spirit of my desire for a meaningful and intentional life, I am reflecting on these questions as Valentine's day approaches:
How can I infuse my romantic relationship with the lessons I have learned in practicing love for the sake of love? How can I bring my platonic generosity into my romantic relationship?
How can I honor the vital importance of platonic love on a holiday (and in a society) that’s selling romantic love as the most important kind of love?
It’s just so much deeper than chocolate and flowers.
Happy PlatonicValentine’s Day!
With all my love,
Emily
Without community, there is no liberation.
~Audre Lorde
Love notes on Liberation - Spiritual & practical nourishment for loving liberation from Autonomous Muse